I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
