this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
