morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
