I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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