I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
