What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
