he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
