Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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