need another drink. this is the easiest way
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
