He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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