Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
