my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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