I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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