He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
