I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
