I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you win again, gameday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
