i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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