no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
