break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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