Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
