Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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