I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
