With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
