why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
