i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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