He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
