My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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