So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
