When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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