wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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