I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
