69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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