I just found puke in my bra..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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