i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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