dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
