Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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