after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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