I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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