if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
