Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
