U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
