I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
