I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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