Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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