Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
