If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She bit a glass in half.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
