I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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