How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
