Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
