Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
