I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
