there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need to get me chipped asap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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