his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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