new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
