My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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