so explain again why im purple
no
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
