If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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