I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
