im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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