guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
