Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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