Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
