I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
