I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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