I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
