my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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