He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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