Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
