I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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