I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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