listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
