He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
