He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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