Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
