It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
