I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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