Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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